Take it out? Stop putting it in!

By Whisky, the Black & White Cat

“Obviously we need to take carbon out of the atmosphere.” (Recent environmental commentator)

I paddled towards the bathroom to find Ian staring at the overflowing bathtub. “Obviously we need to take water out of the bath,” he said.

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Ian is apt to use “obviously” when he wants to say something which is either illogical or at best controversial. To my simple mind it’s silly of Ian to talk about taking water out of the bath until he’s turned off the tap and stopped it gushing into the bath in the first place.

The water was over my paws, from which I estimated it was an inch deep. We had rather a pointless discussion over whether it had always been an inch deep, or maybe even 2 inches hundreds of thousands of years ago, and whether it was due to the roof leaking or whether it was all the fault of the bathtub. Ian wasn’t for blaming the bathtub because he loves a good soak and couldn’t imagine life with only a shower – and a dribble of a shower at that. In vain I pointed out that half the household managed with nothing more than a lick all over. Ian said he couldn’t see himself doing that.

One thing we did agree on: if we did nothing, the water would eventually reach 4 inches – at which point it would be up to my nose. This didn’t seem to bother Ian quite as much as it did me, his nose being 1600% higher off the floor than mine, but we eventually agreed on a compromise: we’d strive to limit the rise to under 2 inches. How far under 2 inches he wouldn’t say.

Ian hailed this as a turning point in human history, even though we’re not actually going to do anything about it till 2020.

updated: 01:59 13/12/2015