Cracking the feline code

By Whisky, the Black & White Cat

Phonetics specialists at Lund University in Sweden hope to have cracked the feline code by the year 2021, to be able to interpret a whole range of meowings and purrings.

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Feline phonetics
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03mfd1z

Now there must be 100 different ways to say “meow” and “purr”. For cat-owners too arrogant or too thick to attend properly to their pets, I offer this handy phrasebook for you to look up your cat’s hopeless attempts to get some sense through to you:

PURR

Purr.

Ho-hum.

Purrup?

(ascending tone) What was that about?

Purr, purr.

(tail erect) Top of the morning to you. What a gorgeous day.

Purr-purr-purr…

(having just jumped up on your lap) Hi sweetie, got a cuddle for me?

Purrrrr-purrrr-purrrr…!

Hey, calm down /keep your fur on!

Rrrrr-rrrrr-rrrrr… (etc.)

I am truly sorry for your discomfiture but it really wasn’t my fault.

MEOW

Meow!

Oi! Gone deaf or something?

Mew…

I’m your darling kitty, remember? Why are you starving me?

Miaouuuh…!

(in a plaintive tone, generally broadcast from the backdoor when its housemate has gone missing…) Oh my precious kitten, where are you?

Miaaargh!

You have just trodden on my blinking tail!







updated: 04:41 13/03/2016